How Knives Almost Destroyed Christmas
by Lady C Andrews
Summary: Your average How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Trigun style. Knives hates Christmas, so, what will he do? Find out by reading. XD


**Disclaimer**: I don't own "Trigun" or "How the Grinch Stole Christmas".

**Author's Note**: Well, it's that wonderful time of the year again! My birthday! Oh, wait, no…--**ahem--** Christmas is what I mean! Everyone, shout with glee! Or shout in horror, either way works for me.

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_How Knives Almost Destroyed Christmas_ -- By SWT

Vash and his friends  
All liked Christmas on Gunsmoke a lot

But Knives, the horrible brother he was,  
Did not

Knives hated Christmas  
With a passion for some strange reason  
There was just something about that awful season!  
It could be that he was a psycho killer  
It could be, perhaps, that he was a suspenseful thriller  
But I think that the most likely reason of all  
May have been the fact that he was just two inches too tall.

But,  
Whatever the reason  
His craziness or his height  
He stood here on Christmas Eve, hating his brother with spite  
Staring out the window, he gave a menacing frown  
At his brother playing with the brats of this town  
And he knew what Vash was planning to do  
With the mistletoe, trying to hide it high, thinking he'll get a little 'snu-snu'

"You're an idiot for believing," he said with a sneer  
"Knives, have fun, the wonderful holiday is here!"  
Knives then scowled, his long fingers drumming  
"You're a fool. You'll get what you've got coming!"  
For tomorrow, he knew…

…All the townspeople and whoever else  
Would wake up bright and early, and run from their house.  
And then! Oh, the laughter! Oh, the laughter! Laughter! Laughter! Laughter!  
Noises he hated! Caring and laughter! Laughter! Laughter!

Then everyone, young and old, would sit down at noon  
When they'd have a great feast at the inn and saloon  
And they'd party! And they'd party!  
And they'd party! Party! Party! Party!  
They would start with the salmon sandwich, and Vash would eat the whole plate  
Knives, hating to stay here any longer, will surely go insane at this rate!

And then!  
They'd do something he dreaded most!  
They'd call about a cheerful holiday toast!  
Would stand close together, ears still ringing  
They'd stand hand-in-hand, and they would start singing

They'd sing! And they'd sing!  
And they'd sing! Sing! Sing!  
And the more Knives thought of their horrible songs  
The more Knives thought, "This is not where I belong!  
For three years, I've put with it, until now!  
I MUST stop Christmas from coming!  
This I vow!"

Then he got an idea!  
An evil idea!  
Knives  
Got a terrible, evil, wonderful idea!

"I know what I could do!" Knives shouted with glee  
"I'll ruin Christmas, you'll soon see!  
There'll be no more delight!  
All I want to see is fright!"  
He grinned to himself, at how evil he could be  
He'd ruin Christmas; what a dirty deed!

He stayed in his room, up late that night  
To plan the destruction of Christmas, alright

Then the radio started to play  
A tune that would make anyone afraid  
"You're an evil one, Mr. Knives  
You really are a blunder  
You're as cuddly as some spikes  
You're as charming as…thunder?"

"Enough with this nonsense radio!" He turned it off. "I need a sidekick.  
Someone who is as evil as me, and maybe give their arm a lick!"  
Through the window he peered  
There was Legato Bluesummers, who was quite weird  
"You there!" Knives roared like the thunder  
"What is your name?" "My name is Legato Bluesummers"  
"Do as I say, and call me master!"  
"Okay." Bluesummers obeyed, with no disaster.

Then  
They grabbed some ropes and some bags  
And he jumped from his room  
Next to Legato, who ate a hotdog  
And for now, Christmas was doomed.

Then Knives shouted, "Let's go!"  
And the two started their way  
Towards the old apartment  
In which Vash and his friends stayed

The lights were all out, and quiet snores filled the air  
Everyone was all snuggled in bed, having had too much eggnog to care  
Knives quietly walked in and begin climbing the stairs

In Vash's room, he saw the lunk asleep in his bed  
A colorful tie wrapped around his head  
"Pathetic," he said, as he narrowed his eyes  
He then saw a teddy-bear right by his bedside

He grabbed it and gave it a squeeze  
"Is this what you please?"  
He growled and stuffed it in his bag  
If he continued, he w**_ould_** go mad  
Leaving the room, he quietly snuck  
In each room, he would grumble at his luck  
The next room has Meryl, sound asleep in her bed  
He wished she was just dead  
He entered the room with care  
Legato following behind with dread

Two sparkling earrings caught his eye  
"These would be mine!" He took them with a victorious cry  
"It has begun!" He announced with a sinister smile  
"…What has?" asks Legato Bluesummers after awhile  
"The destruction of Christmas, you fool!"  
"Yes, Master," he said, keeping his cool

He tip-toed and snuck with a vicious grin  
Throughout the whole house, he took what he wants  
Toy guns! And tricycles! Vash's new party tie!  
Chessboards! Plushies! A typewriter! Even Little Nicky's art supplies!  
And he tossed them in the bags. Then Knives, growing tired  
Threw them out the window, one by one, as desired

Then he moved to the refrigerator. He took the whole feast  
He took Millie's pudding! He took the doughnut's yeast!  
He cleared the whole 'fridge, just as he'd planned  
Why, Knives even took their last can of salmon

Then he threw it all out the window with glee  
"And now," grinned Knives. "I'll throw out the tree!"

And Knives grabbed the tree, and he started to throw  
When he heard a sound from below  
He turned down fast to the floor  
To see little Nicholas, who was no more than four  
Knives growled at the annoying little boy  
Who was looking slightly annoyed  
He stared at Knives and said, "Where are my toys?  
"Why are you taking my toys?"

But, you know, Knives did not care  
He narrowed his eyes and said with a glare  
"Go back to bed, brat, and you won't die.  
I won't kill your mommy and poke out your eye.  
I'm destroying Christmas once and for all.  
Now leave, or soon you'll be splattered onto that wall!"

And he pushed the child up the stairs.  
And he fixed the child with a frightful stare  
And when Little Nicky went back to bed  
He jumped from the window, hitting his head

The last thing he stole  
Was the hideous lawn troll  
Knives took everything, even the sleeping bird  
And that was quite absurd  
And he did the same with the other houses

He rummaged through the town, taking as much as he could  
He stole and he took! He took and he stole!  
"Christmas is gone for good!"  
He grinned as he stood  
"This dreadful holiday will never come again!  
I'll make Vash suffer and feel the pain!"

The suns soon started to rise  
Inside the house Vash soon started to stir

"Everyone will wake up soon. They'll cry. And cry."  
And cry some more! They'll surely wonder why  
Oh why! Christmas is gone!  
It's almost dawn!  
Christmas has been destroyed.  
There's no way it can be avoided!"  
He rubbed his hands and he grinned in malevolence  
They didn't have a chance!

He waited for their cries  
His hands to his sides  
That is a sound he could bare!  
So he waited. Waited to hear  
But the sound he heard, was not the sound he wanted to hear

He stared out the window  
His eyes widened with disbelief  
Then he growled  
Shaken with grief

That sound wasn't sad!  
It was cheerful!  
Sickeningly cheerful!  
Why were they all glad?!

Vash and his friends  
His neighbors and all  
Stood out in the sand  
And sung, still horrible, but they all stood tall  
He hadn't stopped Christmas on Gunsmoke from coming  
It came!  
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And Knives, with a fist in the wall,  
Growled and yelled: "How could this befall?!  
It came without cards! It came without toys!  
It came without pudding, it came without being destroyed!"

Through the window, he still saw the crew  
Gathered around the building and still singing an offbeat tune  
And then what he saw next, made him want to vomit and hiss  
As Vash and Meryl shared a blissful kiss  
For their feelings had finally come out

He thought and he thought, 'til his brain could think no more  
Then Knives thought of something he hadn't before  
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.  
Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more…"

"Like hell it is," Knives remarked as he left his room  
So he took the gifts, followed by Legato  
He returned the presents and watched as their faces' glowed  
He brought back the toys! And the food for the party!  
Everyone was happy and overjoyed  
And Knives tried not to itch

And he himself  
Helped prepare the salmon sandwiches

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And there we have my "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" Trigun style story! I hoped you enjoyed it! Review pretty please! And Happy Holidays!

_**SapphireWhiteTigress**_


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